Love and Marriage...

Last night it really hit me...this time next week I'll be a married woman. In today's society, it seems as if marriage is nothing. As if it holds no value, can be easily dissolved and flitted around. In my opinion, marriage is so much more than just a piece of legal paperwork. Marriage in my eyes is about love, commitment, honor, and friendship. I believe that when someone gets married it should be to someone that they love so much that their heart feels incomplete when that person is not near them. Marriage is a commitment one to another for life, not just for the year or seven. You are pledging to stay with that person in life, sickness, health, when things are amazing and when life really sucks. Marriage is based on honoring the one you are with by faithfulness and commitment. However, I believe that this is all impossible unless the person you are with is your best friend. Friendship is so very important with a marriage in my opinion. There are going to be times when you don't like your spouse, and your spouse doesn't like you much either. There are going to be days when you question why you ever married that person, but at the end of the day one must realize that without that other half, there is no happiness.

I know that me and Shawn will have our differences, difficulties and arguments. I know that there are going to be times that I am going to want to run and hide, cry, and pound my fists in frustration. However, I also know that he is the man I love. He is intelligent, compassionate and loyal to the core. He will never leave me or make me feel inferior. Shawn is the other half of my heart and I cannot wait for our life together!

It's official!

The wedding plans are coming along nicely. I am ordering my dress and Shawn's ring tomorrow. My grandmother is doing my flowers and Shawn's mom is making a garter for me. Shawn's aunt is going to do the cake and Shawn's mom found an archway for us. Tomorrow we go and obtain the license and pay the judge. I am so excited!!! I can't wait to be Mrs. Shawn Parsons! My grandmother is upset though. My grandfather and my Uncle don't want to stay the night so they are coming on Saturday morning. She really wanted to be here to help me get ready and to help set everything up. I think she is feeling cheated. I almost want to go get her myself, but that's a long trip and a lot of gas.

On another note, still no luck with the job hunt. I am hoping with summer ending and fiscal years restarting perhaps someone will hire me soon! For now, my only income is babysitting Jaimie. *le sigh* I know God will open something up soon. I am hoping to sell some of the jewelry that my grandmother gave me from the business. I may have some interest up at my old job...but I am not sure if they were just being polite or if they really want to see it. I am going to talk to Dara and see if she would like to look at the jewelry sometime. She always has the best accessories!

Heroes and Hand Grenades

Growing up, I was always a daddy's girl. Me and my dad would hang out every Saturday morning. We would get up early, go and have breakfast together and then go visit Granny in the nursing home. I treasured these Saturday adventures! However, our relationship hit a serious snag after mom died and we are still trying to rebuild it.

During this interval, another man came into my life and has played a pretty serious role. My grandfather, Pa, is my hero. He has become so much more than just Pa...he's my best friend and my role model. Over the last several years, his health has seriously declined. The strong, vibrant man of my childhood has grown weak and thin. On Saturday night he had a small stroke and while it did not cause any permanent damage, I am very concerned about it. It breaks my heart to see him decline like this. I know that death is an inevitable event and nothing can be done to stop it, but the little kid in me is screaming "YOU HAVE MY MOM, DON'T TAKE MY GRANDPA TOO!!". I know that is a childish thing to say, but oh well! *stamps foot!*

In all seriousness, my grandfather has been an inspiration to me. He is a strong man of God who has overcome many obstacles. He greets situations with a unique blend of compassion and humor. I admire him for his courage, strength and endurance. One day, I hope to be just like him...

Phone Calls

Yesterday, I got a call from my dad. Dad usually doesn't call me unless something is going on, so I was a bit surprised. Right before my graduation in May, Dad informed me that he allowed his ex-wife to move back in. I was upset because this woman had really hurt my dad in the past and I didn't want to see him hurt again. I have always been supportive of my dad's relationship choices. I just want him to be happy. When he called yesterday, he told me that he had asked her to leave. He explained to me that he just didn't love her like that anymore and couldn't continue putting on a ruse. I had a lot of respect for him at that moment. He could have chosen to let her remain there under false pretenses simply to keep from being lonely. I was proud of my dad yesterday because he realized that sometimes being alone is better than being with someone you don't care about. I know that was a difficult decision for him. I told him about my upcoming nuptials and he seemed to be happy for me.

I also got a call from my sister this weekend (on Friday). Her life is usually filled with drama, and this time was no exception. I listened patiently, but couldn't really muster up a whole lot of sympathy. She got a call from her boss and to let me go, but she said she'd call back. She didn't...and I wasn't really surprised. I haven't even had a chance to tell her about the ceremony. I know she's not going to be happy, but it's not about her. I wish her happiness, but I also wish she would make better choices for herself. At the moment she has been making some destructive choices, and while it is her right to do that, I hate to see her throw her life away when she has so much potential.

A decision has been reached....

After much deliberation on what to do about the whole marriage thing, me and Shawn decided that we would be married on my birthday, the 31st of this month! We are going to get the license on the 26th and then head to the J.P. on Monday. I have found a nice little white cotton dress to purchase for the ceremony. Then, in April, we are going to have our actual ceremony at Hempstead as we had originally planned. I am really excited about marrying the love of my life! I can't wait for the life we are going to have together!

On a side note, I have been babysitting for 3 nights in a row now...it is time for some whiskey and a good night's sleep! I am going to go into work late on Friday so I can sleep in a bit!

Musings...

Yesterday went pretty good. I worked at one job for a few hours putting in surveys, then went to my second part time job. I am a caregiver for a special needs child. It was a bit rough yesterday due to some digestive issues. I couldn't blame her though, tummy aches are never fun. I also have another job interview for MHMR as an assistant pharmacy coordinator. It is next Tuesday and hopefully it goes well. I really need a job! I usually go to knitting night on Wed. but I got stuck at the landlady's last night when I went to deliver the rent check and didn't make it out of her house until 8:00. Since Shawn gets up at 2 a.m., I try to be home early so supper is ready. Imagine my surprise when I got home, and Shawn had already started to cook! I really appreciated that since I had worked a long day.

Today is going to be much of the same. I have my survey job today and then am watching J again this afternoon/evening. I have to go pay a ticket and cook supper at some point too. I am hoping that I can still make it to the lady's Bible study this afternoon, but we'll just have to see how things go. I know I am ready for the weekend and a little R&R. I have several friends graduating on Saturday and have been invited to a party in Houston for a friend Sat night. I am not sure if I am going or not yet, but we'll see. As long as I can sleep in on Saturday...all will be well and I won't have to hurt anyone...

Ramblings on a Wed. Morning

I woke up this morning, extremely groggy and wishing that the alarm clock was wrong! Yesterday was a very interesting day and has left me with a lot to think about. My grandfather called and informed me that he thinks if I'm going to go ahead and get married to Shawn anyway, I might as well do it now. He tells me just go get a license and have a small private ceremony without spending a lot of money. He then tells me that he will give me a sum of money to help me get a household together. I am honored that he loves Shawn and wants us to be married, but that isn't exactly the way I wanted this whole thing to go! I had thought about going to the JP for now just to have the official ceremony taken care of, and then continue with our wedding in April as planned. I feel that with Pa's health being the way it is, at least the JP would ensure that he could be there for my official wedding ceremony, even if God takes him before April. Shawn agreed with the idea and we decided to discuss logistics later on last night.

Well...this is all well and good and I was pondering the best way to pull this off when I get another phone call. This time it's my grandmother. She tells me that she is furious with my grandfather for even suggesting a JP wedding. She then goes into how that's how they had to get married and she always regretted that she didn't have a full wedding with a white dress. I appreciated her concern. I tried to tell her that even if we did the JP wedding, we were still going to have an actual ceremony in April as planned. She then tells me she has set aside an amount of money for the ceremony and that if I can plan it on that, then they will pay for it. Again...I was in shock and had a lot to think about. I informed Shawn of both developments and we are trying to figure out a solution. Frankly, I just want to marry Shawn...I really don't care about the logistics that much.

On an employment note, I am confused about how I feel at the moment. I am about to end a job that I have had for a year and a half. Leaving here makes me really sad because I have come to love and admire many of my co-workers. It seems so bizarre to me that after Friday the 14th, I will no longer see them on a daily basis. I am also apprehensive because I do not currently have another job lined up. I have been applying like crazy, but it seems as if I am either too qualified because I have a degree or not qualified enough because I just graduated from college. I interviewed last week for a case management position with a foster care agency. It went exceptionally well and I have a second interview, although I don't know when. I love case management work. It is a perfect combination of paperwork and human interaction for me. I also love that the direct work with the client gives me an opportunity to actually make a difference and touch a life instead of just being behind the scenes. I am praying and hoping that this job comes through. It seems as if it would be such a good fit for me.

On the friendship front, or the lack thereof, I learned about a week ago that a dear friend is moving to Colorado. I have been seeking a few good or at least one good female friend. While I have my best friend from childhood in Arlington, it just isn't the same as having someone here in town that I can call on a whim for coffee or just to chat. Heather has been so busy in Arlington with work and school and relationship stuff that I haven't had an opportunity to talk to her just one on one in so long. I really miss having a close friend to confide in (other than Shawn of course!). I finally found a friend and now she is being whisked away to Colorado. I know that it is a good decision for her and that the move would be excellent for not only her, but for her ministry. I'm just gonna miss her! I know that the friendship is not over, it's just evolving like any other relationship does over time.

All in all, I am excited, scared, apprehensive, sad and wishing for a break! I know that there are others who have it a lot worse than I do...and that it will all work out in the end just how it needs to be.